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Thursday, September 27, 2012

Last year, on this date..

I put this in draft but forgot to schedule on 25th. So here goes..


..we planned for another trip, fulfilling our dreams to climb Mount Kinabalu together
..we almost booked a flight to Bandung, but cancelled due to some circumstances
..we were together, at home, just the two of us
..little we knew, God will grant us her

and here's today, you were 300km far away from me,
thinking what's waiting for us in the coming years,
as things always changed,
as times will always flies,
as our family grown (InsyaAllah),

I still love you, every bit of everything about you

Happy 2 years anniversary, Love

Sunday, September 23, 2012


As I mention in previous post, we went back KL (when I am still at my pantang days) for my check up for a week which means, it leaves me and Rauhah at home during weekdays. Just the two of us. I am nervous, thinking how it's going to be. We basically have been left alone during the days at Kuantan but there's Umie and Ayah in the evening when they are back at work. I could have me time while they are enjoy taking care of Rauhah. Plus, I still don't have to do the chores, mom will prepare my meal and even bath Rauhah.

Therefore, when there's only me and Rauhah, things going to be challenging. I have to be independent. Welcome to the (almost) real life. But it wasn't so bad after all. Yes, she's a bit clingy but in a good way. I still can have my meal, which I cooked by myself (even it's already 3/4PM, depending when she's sleeping. I even proudly bath her before noon (YEAY!) and tidy up here and there a bit. I could filled myself with cereal/oat/milk/Jacob's weetameal if I'm having a late lunch,at times she needs me to be with her.

Rauhah is so nice that she sleeps whenever she's full. No unnecessary crying. No drama. I could lie down on the couch while bf her,watching my favorite show and at the same time munching my cookies :P Basically, I could do anything that I want, It was very surreal and pleasant week. These makes me started to think to be a fulltime housewives. Haha!

There's this one day, PIL comes knocking on the door, without warning. Both Hubs and I didn't know that they are in town. Memang surprised lah. Haha. I am cooking, preparing Hubs meal (I'm over rajin) and not wearing my socks. Two sins during pantang. Ha..gabra. The house is very messy, I tell you. Luckily MIL understands,though been warned to leave all the chores and wear my socks :P She then fold our pilled up cloths in the basket, tidy up my cooking mess and wash the dishes while I just lie down and bertungku. Hatoi..malu..

Anyway, they brought us ikan haruan kering. Sedap woohhhhh...buat aku nak makan banyak lg ade. Ever since they came, I cooked the same meal for myself, nasi+sayur sawi+carrot+ikan haruan kering. Omm noomm!

Hubs helping me for going to the groceries/market for fish/vege etc. He normally do the cleaning (wash the dishes,laundry) whenever he likes. I notice he one wakes up at 4AM washing the piled up dishes that I left since noon. He would help me wearing my socks without saying much (penat suruh agaknya. hehe) He even makes me some snack or drinks (aku kan ngade, nak milo la, nk jus apple la) when I'm hungry (breastfeeding really makes me hungry all the time!!)

He'll spend his time more with Rauhah compared to his PC, Diablo, Dota and what not. Life are totally different after I'm giving birth to Rauhah! He's more involved doing the household without asking for help. As myself, I looked him differently; with much love, more respect and grateful everyday.

Thank you Allah ^_^ May this happiness everlasting. Amin.

Halford Zeus Plus Review

Well, more to general car seat experience and tips ;)


I already reviewed a bit on this baby car seat at this post but I only focus on the fitting to our car. Now, I can review it based on my experience putting our new born in the car seat.

We try it when we are heading back to KL for my postnatal check up. There was 3 adults in the car and a baby. At first, we put the car seat at the back, thinking that it would be easier since Angah willing to take care of Rauhah in case she's uneasy. Me on the other hand sitting at the front.

Things a bit uncomfortable for us as a start. We stopped few times before coming in to the first toll. She was sleeping when we put her and it seems not comfortable. She starts to cry at the moment we put her in. Guessing it must be her diapers, we stopped by at petrol station and changed but she cried again when we put her back to the car seat.

Hubs insisted to put her back whenever she calm down even Angah is willing to hold her for the entire journey. We once manage to put her in but Angah said her head was tilting when the car moves. We already placed her pillow to support her back but it doesn't work. He then changed the car seat to the front but still Rauhah refused to sit tight. This put in and out happens few times which at the end all of us give up and Rauhah seems restless. Thus, Angah and I take turns to hold her.

Looking uncomfortable and her heads tilting at this position.

It was dangerous to hold her in the car, especially when Hubs taking corner at Karak highway. Plus, it was quite tiring to hold 4.7kg baby on my arms and Hubs keeps his eyes on us when we hold her, afraid the person who holds Rauhah falls asleep.

Later on, Hubs tried again when we drop Angah at her place. Amazingly, she sits tight, no tilting, sleeps soundly and looking comfortable. She keeps on sleeping when we arrived home. Alhamdulillah, the drama ends well :)


We tried again when we heads to Tampin and back to Kuantan. She sleeps well through out the journey, sampai nak kejut tukar lampin pun tak sampai hati :)) Dah terer letak Rauhah dalam car seat. Wohoo!! Baby and parents are all one happy family in (more or less) 7 hours drive.

For me, it is wise to put her at the front (our car only have air bag for the driver) because Hubs could look after her if I'm sleeping at the back. He could reach her easily if he needs to pat her or wipe her spew.

Looking good baby ^__^


The thing about putting a baby into a car seat is that we need to keep on trying,be patient and ensuring the baby comfortable. Don't force the baby to sit in when he/she cried. Let them loose a bit and try again when he/she calm down. Hubs being persuasive and determine to put her in. I, on the other hand have a soft heart, willing to hold her through out the journey. Imagine the tiredness and risk if I were to hold her for hours. If it's not because of Hubs, I guess, we never use the car seat.

I'll probably review again when she's big enough to see how long does this car seat could serves us. So far, the new born totally could fit in this car seat, provided we put additional support at her back.

Friday, September 21, 2012

Breastfeeding Journey 102

I feel glad that I had invest to a good breast pump. It already serves me well since I'm having plenty of milk that I always have to make sure I pumped it up or Rauhah having both sides equally. I already calculated that if I could get 16oz a day by pumping, I could probably starts stocking my milk a day or two at least, before I start working.

Rauhah at 2 weeks

Rauhah is quite a demand baby. She could finish 6/7 oz (from the bottle) when she wakes up from 5 hours of sleeping. Nowdays, I have to pump when she falls asleep during midnight, else I wake up with engorgement.

We are having trouble when she could finish too much milk from her bottle where she usually throws it up after we burped her. She would then cried for more and I'm worried she drinks too much. I'm not sure how burping is necessary cause I noticed that Rauhah normally throws up quite often after we pat her on the back. I tested that if I give her just enough (4oz) and lie her on her tummy, she would straight away falls to sleep and hardly throwing up.

Therefore, I prefer she's having her milk directly because she hardly throw it up after milking. Speaking the power of direct breast feed ;)

Oh, by the way, the sign she's having enough milk is when she falls asleep straight away. I can poke her during her sleep and she refuse to wake up. I leave you a vid to feast your eyes :P

Breastfeeding Journey 101

It is hard, at first. I had an awkward position of holding the baby, not comfortable with myself sitting while bf her, nor having her latching my breast without feeling the pain. Things were so unpleasant for me but I won't give up. I was so determined to breastfeed her that I ignore the pain, the cut (boleh luka tau anak aku kijekan), the bleed while she could just latch on it.

At first, I was wondering what's the big deal of letting her sucking my breast since I couldn't see any drop of milk coming out. I know that it could stimulate the milk and produce colostrum but having her sucking my areola at times she wanted her meal, makes me thinking whether she's full or not.

The first day went smooth. She keeps sleeping and just wakes up for about few minutes. I even could have my beauty sleeps but I was too excited seeing her in front of me that I barely sleep. I realize that I started to have the colostrum.

Then, things get tougher on the second day, she keeps on crying when she couldn't latch correctly. I was on the other hand was stressed enough seing her crying at at the same time, I started to feel the pain. I keep on calling the nurse whenever she needs to latch on, just to help me to makes myself comfortable when bf and the baby. Tried to pump but hardly have any. That night, I was too stressed that I cried. I closed my eyes and take a deep breath whenever the baby starts to latch, just to imagine that I don't have the pain.

The day after, a lactation consultant came. I was feeding my baby when she came. The first time she saw me, she already know that I'm in terrible pain and not comfortable. She then she starts advising me the correct way of breastfeeding her. (Did you know that you could apply your colostrum at your nipple cut and it will heal by itself? Amazing kan?)

At this time, I started to realize, everything that I did by myself before this was wrong. She teach me how to hold the baby comfortably and directing the baby's mouth to latch correctly. That was the first time, I feel so relief that I could smile while talking to others. She then invited me to her class which I did went and it was so helpful. She even share how to store the EBM, handling engorgement and even bathing the baby.

 Double pump for 40minutes, somewhere on the second week.

Single pump for 20minutes on the third week

As times goes by, my milk keep on increasing. Rauhah starts to latch correctly and I don't feel the pain anymore. Alhamdulillah, today, I could easily get 4oz one side while she's enjoying her meal on the other side. Hopefully, I could bf until she's two, InsyaAllah :)

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Babysitter: Worries, Concerns and Plans

I have another one month and half to ends my maternity leave. Well, I have found babysitter for Rauhah. Just another block at our home. She's currently handling one kid (almost 1 yo). Actually she's the third babysitter that I met. The first was the wife of an Ustaz which our neighbour and house owner recommend but she already stopped babysitting since she had her own home business. The next is someone she introduced when I asked for another babysitter but she already have one baby in hand.

The problem is (are) I heard so many bad stories about babysitter and for me, Rauhah's health and safety is not something worth to gamble on.

My worries now:
1) BS not clean and can't handle baby well (this includes all momies nightmares; liar, pretenders, take baby health for granted, give unwanted stuff to baby, etc)
2) The kid that she handle a bit rough. She roughly grabs Rauhah on the shoulder and luckily she could only reach her shirt. What else she could do without the BS watch?
3) My heart didn't give any hint whether I should take it or not.

Right now, I am trying to convince myself that:
1) BS already handle the current kid since birth. I assume since 2/3 months old. She was handling few babies before but not sure how it ends with only one.
2) I asked her max child that she could handle is 2. Not sure how true is this when reading this post.
3) She seems clean
4) Her house so quite and didn't saw any of her kids (except a glimpse of one guy. not sure if he's the child or the father) She said kids at school. It was 2-3pm when I had a visit.
5) Her house so near. No need to spent extra time on the road.

But I still feel insecure.

I few back up plans but have other concern:

1) Leave Rauhah at Kuantan.

Travelling during weekends seems possible but $ is an issue. Another things are her milk. I want fully breast feed her and if this opt taken, my milk production probably goes down without her simulation.

2) Offer Angah to babysit Rauhah

At least until she's 6 mo but she had other things to prioritize in her life. I can't be selfish.

3) Offer my long time babysitter 

aka my aunt who stays with our family since I'm child,Cik Nab but she refused to stay at our home, unless Rauhah is at Kuantan. Which brings back to plan no 1.

4) Quit my job

It's every mom's dream kan? but I already have other commitment. Things will be very tight if I quit. Still, it is possible but I am afraid I will regret it (missing times when I am working/the monthly payment which I can pleasure myself as much as I wanted - not that I'm such a big spender but still). Probably I resume working after Rauhah big enough but things might be different later on (another baby coming/lazy to start working when I'm comfortable stay at home/etc)

Therefore, I only have two options if I don't want stranger to babysit Rauhah. Well, I could give a try for the babysitter for one day but..aishh. I could investigate the babysitter from the Ustaz's wife but would that be necessary? She's already kinda reluctant when I asked her for another babysitter cause she mention she wouldn't dare to simply recommend someone but she still help me to find one since she's pity me and Rauhah. She even offer herself to accompany me to go the BS house that she mention. I mean she wouldn't recommend the BS if she doesn't trust her right? So nice of her that I wish she take back her word to babysit Rauhah.

This is hard. Need to think very deep on this decision.

What do you think?

Monday, September 17, 2012


We were listening to the radio and there was a song playing called Teman Pengganti. At first I thought it was Francisca Peter's song remake for Disekadar Pinggiran cause the tune's almost the same but of course, I was wrong. It was the first time I heard and Hubs dedicate (we always dedicate song to each other whenever we heard any ;)) the song to me. As always, I tried to focus on the lyric and at the same time Hubs explain about it.

Aku kan pergi,
Bertemu kekasih abadi,
Tiba masanya,
Kau cari pengganti.

But I don't like it.

The song is nice but I don't like his thinking of me getting his replacement when he's gone. Oh mengenangkan ayat 'when I'm gone' tu sedih dah tau, and to think about his replacement?? I asked why do I need to FIND his replacement and he mention 'at least someone could take care of you and the kids'.

Sedikit ketidakpuasan hati disitu.

Not because I hate the idea of having the replacement but to FIND one? I told him I don't want to FIND any because no one could replace him and he said 'Takdelah, kalau ade orang yang nak, takkan sayang taknak'

Haa..disini ade sedikit arguement dari saya.

I explained that if there's anyone would come to me and that doesn't mean I want to.

Discussion ends right there.

Losing is the most fearful thing that I could imagine when thinking of the people that I love. Sebab itu saya selalu berdoa pada Dia 'Janganlah Engkau membiarkan aku menyayangi sesuatu, bergantung kepada seseuatu, lebih dari aku menyayangi dan bergantung kepadaMu'

Sebab inilah.

Takut akan rasa kehilangan. Takut akan rasa hilang tempat bergantung.


Earlier in our marriage, I tend to do everything on my own, konon nak jadi SuperWife and tak nak orang tolong. Working. Cooking. Laundry. Making sure house clean and tip top which at the end of the day I always cranky sebab penat. Until then, Hubs tegur. He dont want all those. He dont mind I dont cook, the house is a mess, laundry once a week or he can do it for me, as long as I spent my time with him, happily. It's all that matters. Masa tu baru terfikir, kenapa nak kejar jadi perfect wife tp suami tak seronok, walaupun semua benda perfect.

Meminta tolong bukan bermaksud bergantung kepada orang tapi meringankan beban. Takut nk mintak Hubs tolong perihal rumah sebab nanti lama2 jadi manja dan pemalas which I did. I only do the house chores whenever I feel so and I feel happy walaupun serabut mata memandang tapi hati suami senang sebab saya senang.

I am glad even rumah is a mess, kain tak lipat, tak masak, tak basuh pinggan seminggu :P

To think back, it's all about toleration and understanding tapi jangan sampai take it for granted.


I remember Hubs said 'People used to say, marriage teach us about being sabar but for me, it teach me to be grateful'


Bersyukur dengan apa yang ada. Jangan selalu mendongak ke atas untuk melihat kekuranga kita. Lihatlah ke bawah dan renungkan nikmat yang kita ada :)

Thursday, September 6, 2012

One month Rauhah

She had her Hep B injection last Tuesday and adoi...her mom is more anxious then she is. I was thinking how big is the needle? will she get fever afterwards? will she cry non stop? Too many thinking -_-" We had to wait almost half hour before her turn. She was sleeping from home and had awake once for milk. Had her weigh in and she had gain 900g since her birth.

Things are good until the doctor starts to inject her at her right thigh. Boyyy...she was screaming her hearts out and I felt so...funny. Haha. Ok. Ok. Kesian jugak tapi sebab die menjerit tu kuat gile and it is just one time. Then sambung tido balik. I told mom 'Macam berlakon je :P' Ade la teresak-esak sikit and pujuk die dgn direct breast feed.

Alhamdulillah, no fever what so ever after that injection. Needle pon halus je. Just minor pain when we 'accidently' touch the injected place. My Rauhah is very strong. Bagussss :D

Nowadays, she seems to start connecting with us. She responds things we said by 'ahhh...' 'umm...' and other baby sounds. Sangat comel bile die interacting macam tu tapi kurang comel bile die awake too long at night.

Her pattern is she'll be sleeping the whole morning and wake up once a while for milk. She'll be fully awake by Maghrib and will be sleeping, mostly by 1am. If things were good, she'll be sleeping through out the night until the next morning. Else, she'll wake up after 1 or 2 hours sleeping and had to layan her for direct breast feed, which normally at least half hour.

Left: Faces for milk. Right: Satisfied face after milk 

She prefer sleeping on lap or during breast feed. Pujuk-pujuk by rocking her memang tak jadi, unless she's just too sleepy. She would fall asleep faster when people hug her and zikr 'Lailahaillah'. Haa..cepat je layu kalau macam tu.

Well, as you may expect, she's sleeping now. I already had my breakfast and will go take shower. Rauhah normally had her bath around noon. Later her Nekmi or Nyang will do that for her. I never showered her up until now. That's the only thing that I hadn't do. I'll probably start doing that when I'm back in KL. It's easy right? Huhu.

We already had her Aqiqah and Cukur Jambul last Saturday. Will blog about that later. Planned to talk about my PantangLife and few things on breast feed journey. Seems a lot and not much time to catch but definitely will do.

Till then, toodles!