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Friday, October 6, 2017


Aqil has been challenging these days and I really hate this phase. The tantrum.. oh my god! Where did he get those energy??

He could spent hourS to throw his voice out loud, and keep continue before he really gives the white flag. It has been a struggling weeks and my heart just hardened. I had enough of spanking and this week I had to start the bathroom timeout, again.

Today he asked me to teman him minum air. Done it once but not twice. I told him he have to do it by himself and he refused. Therefore the drama this morning. I started timing after all the pep talk didnt work.

20minutes in the bathroom with forced shower.

That. Is. A. Record.

The whole building must be cursing me this week 'Again?! Crying?'

Felt terrible at early days but no more. Ibu got to straight you up. Hitting might work faster than timeout but I realized he became more stubborn.

The timeout seems working this week and he has improved. Manja can layan. That, I understand but when he just dont want to give in as well, hence the timeout.

I look at my number three and pray. Please please please no more tantrum from you, just pleaseeeee.

Monday, August 21, 2017

The point of details

Kadang rasa banyak sangat nak tulis. Especially on twitter or any other social media. I typed and typed but always end up feeling 'Argh..whats the point'

What is the point of ranting the details?

The details about how I fast today without my sahur and breakfasting with my kuih yang tak brapa menjadi (tp habis sepinggan bedal sorang)

Or the fact after that I rushed for Maghrib and bring no1 to clinic because the headache and her on-off fever? No2 unwell as well. So hv to bring both.

Or maybe the incidents after coming back from clinic, that I rushed myself for proper meal before no3 wakes up, and at the same time controlling my anger for no1 being mengada to eat her paracetamol? At the same time juggling with no2's meal as well.

Or probably the details of realizing no3 wakes up for his milk, tucked him to sleep, and checked no 2 sleeps with his poop in his diaper, wakes him up for a wash and no1 suddenly wants her dinner. Probably the meds making her feeling better and sudden urge to eat.

All of that not-so-details happens in 4hours and here I am ranting because everyone finally sleeping soundly.

So why again. Why the details and why are you still reading? Funny isn't?

Maybe the fact of knowing that someone would read, understand and probably could relate of what is going on, would make the writer (me) feel better - that I am not alone and I will be fine.

Someone would judge but that doesn't matter. I couldn't care less, because now, it is about me. To re-read the whole details of self-pity story and realize there's a tiny details to be thankful for.

To be thank that, I dont have to cook because my dad tapau the best nasi beriyani in town for bukak puasa.

To actually smile, looking the tak-jadi-kuih finished by the family (it tasted nice tho)

To be grateful for having my mom taking the share handling no1,2 and 3 without me asking for favor.

To be thankful that no3 didnt join the unwell club and could leave him sleeping soundly (under moms care of course) while I bring the other two to the clinic.

Yes, that is the point. The point of the details. To have always looking at the bright side and choose to be happy. Like my husband always said 'Life is about choices. Always choose to be happy, grateful and content'

Friday, July 28, 2017

The one with the jaundice

We never encounter jaundice with number 1 and 2 but number 3 gets the cake. It was prolonged as the bilirubin reading took the roller coaster ride =_=" dah la nk dekat raya, nk blk kg lg, bnyk gak la nervousnye handling with number 3 ni.

But I learned a lot. Slame ni pergi for private clinic je kan. Since number 3 takde IC lg, so takde insurance card yet la. Pergi jelah for government clinic and it wasnt so bad lah. Service was fine to me. Nothing to complaint about. Infact, rse syukur everytime keluar KK, tak bayar single cent pun. 

Just one thing je, I felt the pressure seeing that tiny baby gets it's needle almost everyday. So kesian :( but lagi kesian sebab ade few mothers yang berkerut2 tahan sakit bersalin bwk baby pegi klinik. I too myself bring the baby because most of the time, there wasnt anyone else. Tu pun luckily Umi dah pencen. Kalau tak..lagi haru. Badan pun haru jugak la sebab waiting time agak lama. The longest was 3hours. Did you know, KK open during weekdays just for jaundice baby ni? Haa..I baru tau. Haha.

As usual, akan ada nurse dtg rumah check baby and like always, die akan ckp baby jaundice. Mase dengar, I was skeptikal jugak sebab number 1 and 2 pun sama ckp ade but bile cek takde pun tp this one nampak dah mata die a little bit kuning. Pergi jugaklah kan for precautions and the nurse was right.

Day 4- Day 7

D10(first day mandi herbs sensei) bwh 200umol/L, happy dh boleh dtg selang sehari.
But eh D12(last day mandi herbs sensei) die naik balik =_= 
Start balik cucuk hari2

The first reading (D4) tu dah tinggi and nurse advice dtg again for the next morning. Bermulalah episod, pagi2 pergi klinik utk cucuk and sharing session with other mothers, give black grapes la, mandi daun itu ini la, option for jemur la (ade home phototherapy service tau nowadays. boleh sewa the machine by hours) give formula la - siap mention specific brand ok and I almost gave up dah sebab baby lama sgt jaundice, tp husband sgt supportive told me to be strong and keep on breastfeeding. Nurse and doctor pun xde mention buat pape except for keep on feeding je. 

So mmg kne positive sgt to fight with jaundice ni. What I did was:
1) give breast milk

They (jaundice baby) sleep a lot. If you let them sleep, they'll sleep for almost half a day. Like they wont wake up even you shake them. So it was quite tricky to take them up. Some mothers just tickle their ears, mine tak jadi and I tried open their socks, picit2 smpai bgn and it works. Ade some babies to the extend kne naked, probably rse sejuk baru bangun.

I feed my baby every two hours. I even gave him ebm, afraid he didnt latch it correctly and didnt get the hinder milk.

2) the more poopoo, the better

Because bilirubin leaves body through babies stool and urine. Ada jugak hari yang my baby tak poopoo tp kencing bnyk sgt. 

3) jaga makan

Prevent all the jamu's, Umi avoid kunyit and black papper. Nurse punye advice ni. I ate a lot of kurma and greens. Eat well la pendek kata.

4) mandi daun inai dan belimbing buluh

I dont know if this really does the trick but boleh la nk try stakat bg mandi je. We tried ubat herba from sensei where he advice to bathe the baby twice a day for three days. Works for the first day and the bilirubin level naik balik on the third. Lol. So afterwards, baru I tried mandi daun tu. Rebus daun and ambik air mandikan baby.

D17 kne cucuk 2kali sbb turun mendadak. Nurse takut salah reading. 
She herself bring the kit to the lab and check. Naseb baik in range. 

Since his reading dah cantik turun on Day20 tapi still consider jaundice, the doctor advice for further check up, ambik la his blood through his hand vein. Melalak mak aihh, 1 klinik dgr. That was the last cucuk for jaundice and doc pun declare boleh discharged. We havent heard about the result yet and nurse pun kata mmg lama tp masa his first months vaccination, nurse tgk dah xde dah that yellowish tinge tu. Hopefully just breastfeeding jaundice la. 

Masa awal2 bnyk reading on the net sebab afraid for the worst. Actually, to think back, mase discharged hari tu dah boleh predict he'll get jaundice sebab the reading was 124umol/L dah tapi the paed positive je and advice to further check once balik kampung. My own advice, monitoring is helpful for jaundice baby, jangan ego tak pergi check their bilirubin level sebab kesian baby. Nanti dah too late, lagi kesian. Kne strong, be positive and have very supportive circle. This is crucial for mothers tgh pantang. It is important to listen to medical experts as they know better than yourself. Lastly, banyakkan doa sebab He is the holder of everything :)

Thursday, June 8, 2017

The arrival of number three

The last check up was on Friday, 2 June and the scanning process was longer than before. We found out that the baby's head is not even close to cervix which means the baby somehow didnt show the sign to come out anytime near and I already 40weeks and 1day overdue. Contraction was there but very minimal. We can wait for another week but my AFL reading is on minimum level, so the doctor suggest that I go for an induced on Monday 5th June. The baby already weigh 4kg through the scan and I already doubting myself if I could do it normally. The doctor then did VE and convinced that I can deliver the baby from down there. Doctor pun yakin, so xde la nervous sgt nk push big baby.

CTG was scheduled everyday until the D-day and we went for a check up on the next day. This time the contraction reading is higher but still minor. I still manage to cook for berbuka and plan to make carbonara for that Saturday but around 5pm I started to feel the real contraction but again, I am doubting myself if it is real. Seriously, jadi tak reti nk branak this time. Haha. Better yet, routine masak basuh pinggan and kemas mana patut still buat dalam pada contraction tu. Konon nk tunggu lepas Isya' baru pergi ER tp tgh2 berbuka tu dah raise white flag. Makan pun slow je padahal lapar.

Pungpang2 dgn maghrib dulu and siapkan kids, pukul 9.15pm smpai ER. Time ni dah 7minutes interval tu pun still tak yakin lg sakit nk bersalin. Check CTG mcm biasa and after an hour baru nurse check opening and I am 6cm dilated. Husband wasnt around sebab kne jaga kiddos. Part ni lagilah rase tak yakin je tp buat2 la kuat smangat kan. But somehow rezeki tu ada, nurse asked her collegue to take care of the kids and Husband masuk labor room. Wah terus smangat. Haha.

I have the contraction but it wasnt that strong. Padahal buat VE dah 8cm dilated and somehow masuk ubat berak, doc break the water, baru rasa sakit gilaa and jadi tak reti lagi nk beranak. Time push pun, my leg tak relax and I was so kelam kabut nk let the baby out. Alhamdulillah with all the support from Husband and the rest of the team, the baby finally come out at 11.13pm. Husband kata lagi cepat this time for me nk push the baby tp why la rasa mcm lama. Probably sebab I was thinking too much and being calculative kot. Lol.

A healthy 3.81kg boy was born and praised to Allah for all the blessing He gave to us. May this little mujaheed become anak soleh and brings all the goodness for all of us. Amin.

ps: Last2 mmg keluar hari Sabtu pun :P cuma 40weeks 2days not during 38weeks like the rest :P

Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Waiting game

Am using husband acc cause I just really dont bother to logout from his PC. My HP is acting up and I feel like updating this blog, well more of ranting about this time pregnancy.

It has been 39 weeks and 5 days. Still no show the baby gonna come out tau (should I sigh here?) I was so convinced that this time the baby will come out around 38 weeks but neh.. look who's playing the waiting game. Major sign pun xde, padahal almost 40weeks dah. I just have several cramps and probably few contractions/Braxton Hicks - I'm not too sure myself. Jadi tak reti plak this time around. We even went to ER last week and it was false alarm.

I am fasting and I broke No-Outside food record this Ramadhan on the first day. Then the next day baru start masak for berbuka. It was supposed to be Nasi Minyak but after cooked gulai daging, goreng ayam and buat acar, trus rasa macam eh 'tak larat la nk masak nasik' so makan nasik putih je. Luckily Husband mmg jenis tak fussy as long ade food on the table. Then yesterday dah ready Mee Goreng je and suddenly 6.40pm rasa nk masak Nasi Tomato. Trus masak and we eat that for sahur.

The baby was overall sitting so nice in there. Nothing much to complain about except the longer time and the tiredness mostly come from the sister and the brother. Baru two toddlers tp mcm2 prangai. Kesian kiddos asek kene marah je. Aqil just weaning off on the first Ramadhan. Lama btul and mmg tricky with drama semua nk wean off with this fella. Tgh mlm kalau die terjaga, I have to prepare his water bottle and a bread because he always ask something to eat but always end up having a bite with his eyes closed and fall asleep. Haha.

Anyway, I heard that baby no 3 mmg sneaky and different. Well, semua baby pun lain and doctor pun dah start asking if I want to be induced but I would prefer to have natural birth la of course. She agrees and add 'Biarlah dia nk kluar bila2. Perancangan Allah tu kan lebih baik' Huu sentap sekejap asek tak sabar suh baby kluar cepat. Huhu. My head dah start fikir macam2 when it close to 40 weeks but hopefully everything will be as smooth and safe through out the labor time nanti.

Monday, March 13, 2017

Aqil and eczema part 2

Here's part 1

The thing with eczema is you can control with the environment and the food. Aqil's condition tak tentu. The last time die tak boleh makan telur or kicap but these days ok je. Sometimes ade jugak benda yg dia biasa makan and suddenly start balik garu2. Nowdays die tak boleh minum milo and kentang. The weird this is french fries tu boleh pulak tapi kalau masak kari letak kentang, mmg alergic terus.

Phase merah2 tu dh kurang sebab ade lotion but he eventually immune with Cetaphile and The Bodyshop wash tu. Tak sempat habis satu botol pun. His skin dah tak responds to it. It started to get dry again and flaky, Asek nak garu je, So one day ni die kene bisul and pergi klinik. I mention about his eczema tulah. The doctor said die garu2 so the bacteria inside the nails pergi kat tempat lain and jadilah bisul tu.

So the doctor prescribe this lotion that I never heard of and alhamdulillah skin die jadi lembut sangat like nothing happen. Bodywash still boleh pakai anything mild maybe sebab lotion tu yang do most of the work. My friend suggest to use Buds shower cream. Maybe boleh try yang tu pulak this time.

Thursday, March 2, 2017

The not-so-review of Speilgaben

Between Husband and I, he is the one who always keen to buy toys for the kids. He would splurge the kids into it and sometimes I have to stop him spending too much. Too many toys means too many mess at the end of the day, always.

One of the toys that he bought for them is this Speilgaben wooden toys that I wish I have lock for every drawer that they have. He bought this years back before Rauhah could even walk. When Rauhah became older and knows how to handle those toys, she would play it nicely and properly. Takde sepah bersepai..until this little brother come to know the existence of this toy.

I am at much control whenever he tried to open each drawers but yesterday beats the record. I was doing my 'lipat kain' session in the room and after finish it, I started to collect all the missing pieces that has been lingering everywhere in the house. 

It was on the bed, in Husband's computer room, the cabinet and not to mention on the floor. It was the usual thing but not until I saw the living room.

This side ok lagi

..and then this. Every shape should be in diff drawer. Imagine.

Then this happen when the sister accidentally jatuhkan the box

It was nightmare! Worst than to collect the classic lego toys because I have to arrange everything in order to fit everything in the drawer. Rauhah has been helpful and the little brother dont want to miss the 'mengemas' party but instead of helping, he would making another mess =_= Ish this fella.

Some of the compartment yang dah properly kemas

It took an hour to arrange everything and I really have lost of the energy to start blabering Aqil. I thought he learned his lesson when I just ignore him while kemas the toys but heh..tak kisah langsung and today..die buat hal lagi. 


Kurang bnyk ni, mane die sorok tah 

Naseb baik sikit but still..I would rather they sepah the whole basket of other huge toy rather than this thing. Thinking on the bright side, he actually making use most of the toys better than Rauhah. I guess, smart kids are the one who is banyak akal and making the most headache out of you. Haha.