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Friday, December 30, 2011

Of Hoping

Have you ever think why do you want to be pregnant?

I do..

..and I questioned myself.

Do I want to get pregnant because everyone around me are?

Am I want to be pregnant because I need to have my own child to feel my love when hubs and I arguing?

Does this have to do with giving my parents their own grandchild and my siblings a nephew/nieces?

Is it because people around me keep asking the same question?

Or this is what a women should feel/done what she gets married? And which law does say so?

I mean, do I really need a reason?

There's even people who thinks that I dont want to have my own baby. Oh wow..who are you anyway? and to compare my life of marriage to another person is such a big mistake.

I learn that life is not for comparison. Thus I do feel sad that my friends are (most) all pregnant and myself keep asking what is wrong with me. I questioned and talk to Him why did He do this to me. 

Is this another challenge that I have to bear because of my sins? Therefore I have to learn to accept and pleased with what ever He gave me? 

I feel bad every time I ask Him all of these questions and it makes me feel ungrateful for all other great things that happening to me. This leads me to think that He is the Most Gracious and Graceful to me for these years of my life. Thus I have to be patient and time is the healer of the grief soul.

There's reason why Allah plan it that way for us. By planning, it doesn't mean people have to stop trying. 

I checked and ensure my period is normal by hysteroscopy. 

I did my own research and read a lot of TTC (trying to conceive).

I did mengurut my peranakan and to found out that my womb located prior to the right. 

Done asking my gynea about having difficulties but she said we are still young and too early to predict that we have any problem. She said give ourselves two years and later come back. Really Doc? Hubs questions of her answer that to what extend that a couple should know that they have problem? They have to give it years to know about it and found out it's just too late?


I feel like I am so impatient when writing this. To think back, giving ourselves time to conceive is also another option of having a baby. Looking at the bright side, all the efforts for getting pregnant provides me better sight of what's happening to myself.

Later probably any other option of getting pregnant. Detail health check up. iUi. IVF. etc.

The very least that I could do right now that I pray to Him with my every breath I take, that one day, sooner or later, He will give us soleh/solehah child that will help us at life after. 

"Wahai Tuhanku! Janganlah Engkau biarkan daku seorang diri (dengan tidak meninggalkan zuriat) dan Engkaulah jua sebaik-baik yang mewarisi". 
-(Surah Al-Anbiyaa', Ayat 89)

"Wahai Tuhanku! Kurniakanlah kepadaku dari sisimu zuriat keturunan yang baik. Sesungguhnya Engkau Sentiasa Mendengar (Menerima) do'a". 


orggilacinta said...

aku paham perasaan ko weh.. aku pun dah lalui dulu.. dekat 7 bulan jugak la baru lekat. tiap2 bulan aku nangis bila kena period. sbb terlalu nak sgt anak. pi jugak berurut sbb selalu senggugut. so maybe tu puncanya. but actually bila pikir balik semua ni sebab Allah ja yg paling tahu bila die nak bagi rezeki tu kat kita.. Masa yg paling sesuai hanya die je yg paling arif.. solat hajat tgh malam sblm bersama pun jgn lupa cuba.. :) klo jarang makan sayur, mkn asid folik. kita cuba je mcm2 cara. Insya Allah lekat. skarang ni aku dok sibuk mencuba nak kluarkan susu pulak.. hampir giveup jugak la bila susu makin kering.. huhu.. tinggal beberapa titis je.. tp apepun yg penting 2012 ni sesama mencuba n usaha ok.. chiokkk chiokk!

The wife said...

thank you Linda :)